Good times with Gastro

NOTE: THIS POST IS RATED G FOR GROSS AND CONTAINS TALES VOMIT AND POO. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EATING OR PLAN TO IN THE NEXT HOUR OR YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH AND ARE EASILY MADE QUEAZY. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

My family came down with gastro yesterday and all hell broke loose. My motto is ‘sharing is caring’ but I now question the logic in this when it comes to sharing illnesses. As far as I’m concerned, keep your bugs to yourself, I don’t want them.

It started on Monday night with me feeling sick and then vomiting. My hubby was kind enough to say it was probably food poisoning from my cooking which I took great offence to and in no uncertain terms insisted it was gastro as it’s been going around and everyone we knew have just had it. Then an hour later my son comes in and starts heaving. Luckily I was fast enough to get him into the bathroom so his spew went all over the tiles rather than the carpet. Phew! Hubby still lays in bed and again says it's the pad thai I've just cooked. The boy’s chundering didn’t cease and my time is spent cleaning up my son, cleaning up his yack and water like poo, cleaning myself after he repeatedly ralphed on me and changing the bed sheets after he chucked on them too. I decided to move myself and my son to the couch as I needed to look after him and sleep wasn’t going to happen (luckily I’d not spewed since that first time) , we didn’t have another set of clean bed sheets that could go on the bed and we would be closer to the toilet and we were on the wooden floors which are easier to clean than thick piled carpet. All the time I’m hoping that whilst I’m on the loo with the runs, the boy doesn’t start emptying his stomach contents again.

By 4.30 am I’m wondering if I should wake hubby up to see if he will take over from me and look after the boy so I can try to get a few hours sleep but then realise that I was delirious and suffering from sleep deprivation and he taking over would never happen. He has never looked after the kids when they have been sick or had to go to hospital so why was I expecting him to do it now. I take my place back on the couch and then before too long have to make my second dunny dash to have a 3D burp.

6.30 arrives and it’s time to start the morning and have decided that no matter what hubby will be getting our daughter up, getting her ready and taking her to school. As I go into the bedroom he makes a mad dash for the loo and is making an offering to the porcelain god. Great that’s all I need, a hubby with guy gastro (think of the man flu only it’s gastro). Feeling sorry for himself he returns to bed and announces there’s no way that he’s taking our daughter to school. At that very moment said daughter arrives in room and I tell her that she won’t be going to school today as I suspect she will have an appointment later with the loo. She’s not worried it just means that she gets to sit on the couch all day and watch cartoons. So with no one having to be anywhere I try to get some sleep. Before too long I’m woken up by my son who is climbing to get into bed and instead of him waving and kissing me like he usually does in the morning, he waves and then barfs all over my face. Eeeew. Thankfully it was only the water type of chuck. My charming hubby is sitting next to me in bed laughing his butt of whilst I’m screaming at him to get me the flannel. After cleaning myself up I head straight to the shower and have a good long soak to get rid of the feeling that I’m a barf bowl.

Straight back to bed for me, hubby and son when daughter comes in saying she thinks she’s going to be sick. I yell at her to get to the toilet quick. Too late, she’s creates her own bile geyser to jazz up our carpet. I make the mad dash to get her into the toilet whilst she’s in hysterics. All the while, hubby’s sitting in bed feeling very sorry for himself whilst a puking pandemonium has broken out.

As the days goes on the liquid screaming from the son and the girl has settled and now they just have colon explosions. Again, hubby is in between bed and the bathroom tending to himself. I’ll be dammed it I’m going to be cleaning up after him too.

The boy delivers us with the nappy from hell and hubby says there’s no way he can deal with it as he is on his death bed and it’s all up to me. As I go to get the boy to change his nappy he up chucks the grapes I’ve just fed him along with the bit of milk he insisted on having which is now curdled and vile. Enough is enough. I crack the shits with hubby and tell him he has to help with the boy. Stick him in the bath and clean him up.

The worst was over and now it’s just lots of rest, a few sips of water if we can keep it down and doses of medication to keep the runs, stomach pain and head aches at bay.

Now I sit here and think about the last 36 hours and a few things have come to mind.

1. Reflecting over our marriage vows we made to each other only 6 months ago and the line ‘in sickness and in health ‘ comes to mind. I think hubby’s version is more like when you’re healthy I’ll be there for you but when you or the kids are ill you’re on your own.

2. I’m glad we’re a two throne household. I don’t know how we would’ve got through this with one loo.

3. I’m so glad it’s over. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy and hope we are never in the situation again where each one of us are ill like that at the same time.